I’m not an angry person. I usually just let things roll off my back. But the past couple of weeks I have noticed myself being frustrated and agitated in situations that normally don’t bother me. It didn’t take much introspection to find out why. I’m not getting something I want. God has either said “No” or “Not now” to something I’ve been praying for. And it hurts. That pain has made me angry. Anger is a surface level emotion. There’s always something underneath, driving it.
When He says “No” or “Not now” to something I think is right and good, it causes my brokenness and character defects to surface. I begin to rationalize and spiritualize whatever I need to in order to try to get my way. When His answer is still the same, I can slip into self-pity or depression and get angry with Him because I’m afraid and it hurts, and I don’t understand. When acceptance finally comes, and I say with humble conviction, “Your will, not mine be done”, that’s when He has me where He wants me; that’s when He begins to do that deep, heart level work and teaches me to truly trust Him and His plans. That’s one of the ways pain becomes the pathway to peace.
Why does God tell us “No”or “Wait”? Is it because He is cruel or aloof and just doesn’t care about our feelings? Is He punishing us for some disobedience?
No. He has something much bigger in mind. Obviously His ways and thoughts are way beyond our comprehension. His reasons are many and His plans are multifaceted. He is weaving our lives and the lives of those around us together into a beautiful tapestry that we cannot wrap our minds around. We can only see tiny pieces of just a few threads. So, whatever He is doing, whatever His reasons may be, He is always after our heart. He is teaching us to trust Him.
One time Jesus sent His disciples into a boat to cross a dangerous sea, knowing that it would be dark and a life-threatening storm would come on them. They didn’t know it, but He intentionally sent them into a storm. They were being obedient and yet they still had to deal with major difficulties and fear (Mt. 14:22-27). What was the end result? Worship and faith (Mt. 14:33). He was revealing Himself to them as the One true God, in control of all things and teaching them to trust Him.
Trusting Him and His will and His plans is easy when I agree with Him. But genuine trust doesn’t really begin until there is disagreement or hardship. When I disagree, when it hurts, am I still going to submit and surrender my will to His? Will I humble myself and follow Him when He hurts me? Wait. What? God will hurt me? Yes. In the same way a surgeon would hurt me during an operation – for my overall good. He uses temporary pain to remove or heal something inside me that is trying to destroy me.
He may hurt us at times, but as the perfect, loving Father, He will never harm us. He is always working on us, in us, and through us for our good and the good of those around us. We just may not always like the way He chooses to do it.
“In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith — more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire — may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” (1 Peter 1:6-7)