My life doesn’t look the way I thought it would 10, 5, or even 2 years ago. Things haven’t gone according to MY PLANS. Yet things are not out of control. I have learned (well, still learning) what it means to trust the One who is in control and sovereign over all things. Admittedly, some days are easier than others. My life isn’t bad; it’s just way different than I thought it would be.
I have so much I am grateful for! The Lord has worked in me, for me, and through me in many ways. I have beautiful children I love so much. I have wonderful, faithful friends; people I share my life with who love me for who I am – a crazy work in progress. And I praise God for them all! There has also been a lot of hurt (both self-inflicted and brought on by others). And even though there has been healing, I will carry those scars with me for the rest of my life. My failures, suffering, and pain are part of me, but they don’t control or define me. I may have a limp, but I am still me. I still love Jesus; still enjoy thinking and talking about theology and helping others know Him. I still have the same fun-loving, silly, sometimes awkward, introverted personality. I still have the same eclectic taste in music; rock, metal, ’90s alternative… and good solid hymns. I’m still a sci-fi book nerd. A lot of my conversations are still full of random movie quotes or song lyrics. And I still love deeply. The point is, I am still me. And at the same time what I have walked through has changed me.
The knowledge of God as my comforter, protector, provider, and refuge in times of trouble and need has never been as strong and apparent to me as it is now. My ability to empathize with, identify with, and be compassionate toward other broken people has never been this strong either. And I have been given (and still have) a chance to find out if I truly believe what I said I believed; that God is completely in control of all things and that He is good. My faith has been and continues to be tested. By His sustaining grace, I still believe and trust in Christ my Redeemer. My faith has been very weak at times. My love for Him has been sadly cold at times. I’ve wrestled with some very difficult questions. But He has kept me in the faith; He has held onto me. He did not let go. He did not turn His back on me. This beautiful truth is why this hymn is one of my favorites.
When I fear my faith will fail – Christ will hold me fast
When the tempter would prevail – He will hold me fast
I could never keep my hold Through life’s fearful path
For my love is often cold. He must hold me fast
He will hold me fast
He will hold me fast
For my Savior loves me so
He will hold me fast
I would never have chosen this path. But one thing suffering does for the Christian is let them know if their faith is genuine. Have we truly been born again by His undeserved grace and foreknowledge? Or do we only trust Him to give us what we think is the “good life”? Like all of us when suffering shows up and difficulties come, I have had many opportunities to give up on this whole Jesus thing. Yet, when we endure suffering and still cling to the truth and are convinced that He is who He says He is and He has done what He said he did in our place for our sin; that He loves us and we are His… we know we have faith. This is not to pat us on the back. This is assurance that His grace has visited us; that He has given us faith; that He is holding us. Therefore we know He will not let us go; and He will finish the work He began in us. This is one way suffering produces hope for us. Paise God for His unmerited, relentless grace!
So if you have endured or are enduring suffering, whether physical, mental, emotional, relational, etc., and you are still trusting in Christ your Savior, then rest in the knowledge that He has given you grace and He will not let you go. You may come through it with scars or a limp, but take heart. Keep trusting. Hope in Him. He will hold you fast.
Romans 5:1-5 Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Philippians 1:6 And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.