Why do we seek control? We are all looking for peace and joy. Our problem is that we think peace will come if situations work out the way we want them to, or people respond the way we think they should. True peace and serenity are directly tied to our level of acceptance of this sinful world as it is, not as we would have it; and our ability to trust the God who is in control of all things. Living life on life’s terms, even when it doesn’t look the way we want it to, frees us to enjoy the life we have been given. Way easier said than done! And this doesn’t just happen. It requires faith.
Faith is not natural to us as human beings. Fear, doubt, worry, manipulation, control, discouragement… These are natural. The only permanent answer for them is faith; not in ourselves, or an outcome, but in One who is in control. This is not natural. It is supernatural. We can’t produce it. When we face difficult, painful situations that we would rather have control over, yet we choose to place our faith, our trust, and our hope in a God we cannot see or touch; that is a sign that this omnipotent, all controlling, good God has graced us with the gift of faith. Without this gift of faith, we are doomed to wander through life with delusions of control, and all the anxiety and despair that come with attempting to control everything in our lives.
If I am fully in control, then all of the results and everything that happens and the way people respond are totally my responsibility. That is a huge weight in and of itself even if it were true. The problem is actual reality! I cannot control people, places, or situations. Therefore the results are never dependent on what I can do or say. Life just is. So, if I set myself up thinking that everything is on me, my ideas, my plans, how well I execute said plans, but the reality is I cannot control any of the outcomes… That’s a huge recipe for disappointment and despair. Because now things didn’t work out the way I thought they should have, so obviously I did or said something wrong. So then I redouble my efforts, more thinking, more planning. What an absolutely exhausting, defeated way to live! And yet I fall into this trap more than I’d like to admit.
What does faith look like? Surrender. Surrender is extremely difficult! It goes against everything in our natural human mind. It’s often very painful too, because we are having to beat our flesh and emotions into submission, and deny ourselves, rejecting our tendencies and vein attempts to manipulate and control. Because if I surrender my “control”, things may not work out the way I want. Yet surrender is also one of the most freeing experiences we can have. The delusion of control is just a fancy prison for our minds. It keeps us bound up, focused on ourselves and our desires. It robs us of true life and the freedom to love and serve others. The more we try to manipulate and control, the more fear, anxiety, and confusion we create for ourselves. Now these new fears and anxieties cause us to want even greater control over people or situations… And on and on. It’s one big, never ending, downward spiral toward depression and despair. It is a trap – a prison!
The only way out of this prison is faith. I have to surrender whatever control I think I have, and what I think is best for me. Is God completely and fully in control or is He not? Is He good and does He always have my best interest in mind or does He not?
So God graciously gives us the faith to trust Him, because in and of ourselves we do not have that faith in our unseen God. And in His mercy, He will tear down our illusions and delusions of control in order to increase our faith in Him. And as painful as it is, this is Him being merciful to us in exposing our weakness and brokenness, freeing us from the control prison, and leading us to the true peace of acceptance that we are all actually craving and striving for.