Something I’ve been working hard on lately. And it does take work; for me at least. Enjoying one moment at a time, or just being present in that moment, is difficult for me. Here is some of what I’ve wrestled with and what I try to remember to help me push through, focus on the present, and enjoy life, one moment at a time.
It’s hard to enjoy anything when I feel that I don’t deserve to enjoy my life. I feel guilty and still battle shame because my mistakes, my brokenness, and my sinful choices have hurt the people I love most. So I struggle, feeling guilty when I do enjoy parts of my life. I feel like it’s wrong for me to be happy when I have brought so much heartache to so many. It hurts to think about the pain I’ve caused others.
I’m so grateful that Christ took my sin and my shame! No, I don’t “deserve” to enjoy my life; no one does. What we all deserve is Hell. But because of Jesus, those who trust in Him get to enjoy the abundant life He gives us (John 10:10), knowing we are forgiven and not condemned (Rom. 8:1). He can redeem any life and give beauty for ashes, gladness instead of morning, praise instead of a heavy heart – all for His glory (Is. 61:3)!
I can’t enjoy the moment because It’s hard for me to put things aside that I am thinking about. So, if I have situations going on that I am either worried or concerned about, I tend to spend time thinking about what would be the right thing for me to do or say in those situations. Sometimes I spend time thinking about situations that I actually do have some control over. Sometimes I spend, or rather waste, a lot of time thinking about past or future situations that I have zero control over. So, either way, I miss out on the moment I am in because I am thinking about situations outside of that moment.
The best thing I’ve found I can do when those thoughts do come up is to say a quick prayer for those people or about that situation, and then move on, putting those thoughts aside, trusting the Lord to do what’s best. I also ask Him to give me grace and strength to do that; asking that His peace guards my mind and heart (Phil. 4:6-7). He already knows my heart, desires, thoughts, fears, anxieties, etc. anyway. Might as well tell Him and ask for help to press on, instead of trying to ignore them or pretend they aren’t there.
It’s difficult for me to be in the moment sometimes because I’m having trouble getting past negative feelings or a heavy heart or depression that have come up because of other situations. So, I may not be constantly thinking about what I could do or what I could say in those situations, but I am spending time hurting or feeling sorry for myself or whatever the emotion may be at the time. It’s hard for me to put those emotions aside and enjoy the moment that I’m in.
I’m learning that just because I am sad or grieving or hurt because of another situation, that doesn’t mean I cannot put those aside and enjoy what’s right in front of me at that moment. There will be times to grieve and hurt. I try my best to choose when to allow myself to grieve. That is WAY easier said than done, believe me! Sometimes I have to step away for a few minutes to pray and make a phone call. But it can happen with help, prayer, and a conscious effort to do it. As I said in a previous post, I have to remind myself they are just emotions. How I feel doesn’t change my reality.
When I am unable to enjoy the moment, or just be present in that moment with the people around me, for whatever reason… I am missing life. Life happens moment to moment. Life is not happening in the future. The future isn’t here yet. That doesn’t mean that we never pray about and make wise plans for the future – we should. But most of us don’t spend our time making wise plans for the future. Most of us spend our time worrying about the future or fearing something that may or may not happen. Life isn’t happening in the past. That moment has already occurred. We can never get that moment back. Yes, we learn from our mistakes and experiences. But shame and regret are bullies and thieves that will keep us captive if we let them. So if I spend each moment thinking about the future or the past, I am losing that moment. Also if I’m spending that time focused on myself, I will miss what God is actually doing in me and around me (in others) in that moment.
I could be actively looking for ways to enjoy that time with those people; or looking for ways to enjoy creation if I am doing something by myself; or looking for ways to join in what God is doing by serving and helping others. Then I can let all of that enjoyment roll up into praise and worship to the God who has provided me with that moment with those people or that situation or with His creation.